Smash Ball Z Abridged! The Saiyan Saga
by Hedgehog of Time
Summary: The Super Smash Brothers version of TFS's DBZ Abridged series, the Saiyan Saga! Much silliness and stupidness. If you read, leave a review or Lord Popo will assimilate you. (I own nothing)
1. Chapter 1

**(I do not own any of the characters, they belong to Nintendo. The storyline and jokes belong to Team Four Star.)**

Chapter 1: The Return of Roy!...Wait a minute...

Everything was calm and peaceful upon the Earth. The birds were singing, the animals were happy, and that corny music that always plays when it's a peaceful morning was playing. The ostrich chickens were grazing in the fields, and the deer were frolicking in the forest.

That's when the space pod crashed into the Earth, breaking the music and causing all the animals to scatter in terror and the record to break. "Oh God no my marijuana patch!" cried the distraught farmer who's field the pod had landed in. "Oh... I.. mean.. my, uh, carrot patch. Yeah." he said suddenly remembering that people were reading this thing and quietly judging him.

_Better do what any sensible Midwestern American would do in this situation, GET MY GUN!" _he thought as he drove to the crash sight. He hopped out of his truck and ran up to the edge of the crater in time to see the pod open and a form step out.

"Welcome to Earth." said a metallic voice from the pod. "With open bar."

"Holy crap it's Radditz from Dragonball Z Abridged! No, wait, it's an alien. HOLY SHIT IT'S AN ALIEN!" cried the trembling farmer. The alien in question was a tall man, wearing blue and gold armor, a flapping red and blue cape, white leggings, blue boots, a golden sword, and a small gold tiara in his red hair. But he also had a tail wrapped around his waist.

"Finally on this dead and forsaken... wait, what the crap?" growled the alien looking around at the life filled planet which obviously had not been purged. "Did Kakarott screw this up?!" he snarled. "Oh God dammit I knew we should have sent Turles." he said massaging his temples.

_Better think of something cool to say to make him stop._ Thought the farmer. "HEY YOU!" he cried readying his shotgun. _Genius farmer,_ he thought in satisfaction,_ genius._

"Ah look at him," said the alien, finding a puny little human standing up to him adorable. "he thinks he's people. What's your Power Level little fella?" he asked in doggy talk while checking his scouter. "five huh?" he said advancing towards the frightened farmer.

"Protect me gun!" cried the farmer firing his shotgun. The alien man caught the bullet, but was a tad peeved that he had been shot at.

"What? No! Bad human!" he shouted throwing the bullet back at the farmer shattering his gun and sending him flying into the truck.

"YeahbutivotedforBush!" said the farmer as he cracked his skull open.

"Bad! Now get back up and tell me your sorry!" the farmer didn't move for he had come down with a bad case of death. "Human? Human?" asked the man in the blue and gold armor. The farmer remained dead. "So this is why dad said I couldn't have a puppy."

* * *

"Good old wasteland!" cried Shadow the Hedgehog, and oldest living enemy of the great hero Ike, standing atop his plateau, garbed in his usual blue Gi, red belt, and matching white turban and cape. "Yeah, this sure is some kick ass training!" Then he sighed unhappily. "Damn it I'm lonely." he pulled out his iPhone. "Might as well check My Space. No new comments, no friend requests. Damn it." he sighed. "At least I have you Tom," he said looking fondly at his one My Space friend. "You're always there for me."

"Hey! Are you Kakarott!" cried a voice in the distance. _"What the hell?"_ thought Shadow in surprise turning towards the noise. "Seriously if you are stay still! I need to talk to you about killing and selling this planet for profit! It's really important!" cried the red haired alien in the blue and gold armor from earlier in the text landing on the opposite side of the plateau. "Oh wait a second, you aren't Kakarott. My Bad!" said the alien cheerily.

"I have red and black fur and quills, gold ring bracelets, a cape and a turban. Oh yeah, I must look like so many other people." said the Hedgehog sarcastically, crossing his arms.

"Oh a smart ass huh," said the alien evilly, "well I don't appreciate smart asses. Prepare yourself for my signature attack! DOUBLE SUN-"

**Me: No! Give me the computer!**

**My Brother: What!? That's the name of the attack!**

**Me: No it isn't!**

**My Brother: Fine! Here! I'll just go write for Marth! Ass.**

"Prepare for my signature attack, KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BIRDIE-" his scouter beeped. "Ooh a higher power level!" he said, completely forgetting about Shadow and flying into the air.

"Hey!" said an indignant Shadow. "What the Hell?! Weren't you going to kill me?" he demanded.

"Ah, there we go." said the red haired alien looking up the coordinates for the power level. "Alright, now, considering the average set by this one hedgehog guy and that farmer the chances of this being Kakarott are.. Ah screw it I'll just go and check!" he said flying towards the power level.

"Fine! Go ahead! I Didn't want your company anyway." said Shadow angrily. "Right Tom?"

* * *

Samus Briefs ship landed on the island of Kame House blasting _Girls just wanna Have Fun_, but stopped as soon as she landed. "Hey everybody I'm here!" said the bubbly blonde haired girl as she walked in the door of Kame House.

"Boobs! I mean, Samus!" cried an excited Lucas, a young student of Master Mario, the perverted mushroom hermit, as well as a lifelong friend of Ike, the greatest warrior of Earth. "..Hi," he said awkwardly.

"Okay," said Samus rubbing the back of her neck, "How's it going!" she said to change the subject.

"Well I'm drinking O.J!" said Master Mario holding up a giant mug. "Now it's apple juice!" he said as the liquid changed. "Now it's a Nestle Crunch bar! Now it's a gummy bear! Now it's Wario!"

"Wait what the hell?!" cried the disembodied head of the future antagonist.

"Now it's beer." said Mario as the thing changed back into a glass. "Yay Beer!" cried the mushroom hermit happily proceeding to guzzle it down.

"So where's our old friend Captain Falcon?" asked Lucas walking up to Samus.

Samus's beautiful face twisted into a grimace. "I think the bastard is cheating on me!" she growled.

"What makes you say that?" asked the young martial artist.

* * *

(Two weeks ago)

"Samus!" cried Captain Falcon as said girl genius walked into his bedroom at the Briefs compound. "This isn't what it looks li- okay it's totally what it looks like. Can I still live here? Please? Before this I was living in the desert. Oh and have you changed Diddy Kong's litter box yet?"

"I made boom boom!" chimed the little cap wearing monkey.

* * *

"Oh are you serious? Falcon?" asked Lucas disbelievingly. "That is out of chac- so your single then." realized the blonde haired boy.

Outside a yellow cloud that probably tastes like cotton candy swung down dropping off Son Ike, the legendary hero, master martial artist, expert swordsman, and defender of Earth, along with a four year-old baby boy with a mop of black hair on his head in his arms. "Hey guys!" said Ike brightly.

The three friends ran onto the porch. "Ike!" cried Samus excitedly at the sight of her oldest friend.

"Tail.. I, mean, what?" said a confused Lucas. Ike laughed and waved at them with his free hand.

"Um, Ike, I can't help but notice the five year old you're carrying." said Samus nervously.

There was a short pause eventually broken by Lucas. "Ike just because we picked you up in the middle of the woods when you were a kid doesn't mean that you can go around stealing children."

"Um okay," said Ike setting the child down. "This is actually my son, Ness."

All three of them gaped in a mixture of horror and sheer terror. "What a twist!" said conveniently place Hindu guy.

"Oh wow!" said Samus walking up to her friend. "I guess this means you finally, you know," she said in an embarrassed voice.

"Know what?" Asked Ike in his innocent yet confused way.

"You know," said Master Mario sidling up to the other side of him, "Bow chick a wow wow."

"What are those weird noises you're making?" asked Ike furrowing his brow.

_Oh my God he's a parent!_ Thought Samus and Master Mario at the same time as the little baseball cap donning boy started playing with the one thousand year old turtle that called the island home.

"So, when's the little guy gonna start his training?" Lucas asked his friend.

Ike sighed in frustration. "Peach isn't letting him train. She wants him to grow up to be a, oh, what is it..."

"A productive and responsible member of society?" asked Lucus dryly.

"Yeah lame! That's it!" Said Ike in realization. "Ness get over here!" he called to his boy. "Stop playing with that turtle. We don't need people saying things." he said as he picked the child up.

"Wait a minute." said Samus. "Is that a Smash Ball he has in his pocket?" sure enough, the legendary four-starred item was in his pocket. "Won't that make him a target for villains who might want them?" 'Since when has logic ever been considered in this crap?' thought I.

"Oh come on!" laughed Ike waving his hand dismissively. "I already beat Shadow! I can beat anyone who- HOLY BLACK ON A GAME-AND-WATCH WHAT IS THAT!" cried Ike turning as he felt a massive power level coming towards them.

"What is it Ike!" cried Samus in fear.

"I- I just felt a power level bigger than.. than Lucas's losing streak!" he cried as dramatic music played.

"...You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy." said Lucas in a depressed voice.

"I-it's getting closer," said Ike backing up a few steps.

"Shouldn't we get Ness inside," said Lucas, " you know, so he won't be in dan-" The alien in blue and gold armor landed. "Son of a.." growled Lucas under his breath.

"It took me a while to find you but I've finally found you, Kakarott." smirked the alien.

"What?" asked Ike, confused.

"That's right, that's your name." said the alien crossing his arms.

"What?"

"The name we gave you before sending you here to this planet" said the alien, now growing frustrated.

"What?" said Ike again.

"You hit your head as a child didn't you?" asked the alien crossing his arms.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

(Twenty Years ago)

Baby Ike fell from a cliff and hit his head hard against the cliff side.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

(Present Day)

"...What?" asked Ike again.

"Oh for Pete's sake just listen!" cried the alien. "Your among the last of a race of intergalactic super-warriors known as the Saiyans, we sent you here twenty years ago to purge this planet of all it's living inhabitants, and, to finish off this expositional onslaught, I am Roy, YOU'RE BROTHER!"

All stared in horror as dramatic music played again and a crab fell of the one tree on the island.

"So you're his brother huh?" asked Lucas as he walked towards Rpy. "So I guess this means you'll be involved in a lot of future events right?" there was a moment of silence. "Right?"

Roy bitch slapped Lucas with his tail so hard it sent him flying through the air and smashed through the wall of Kame House. _**(Lucas owned counter: 1)**_ "What did I say?" he groaned.

"Hey!" cried Ike. "Stop hitting Lucas!"

"Why?" asked Roy.

"Because you're breaking Kame House!" said Ike like it should be obvious.

"Yeah, stop breaking Kame House." groaned Lucas.

"So what are you here for," growled Sokka. "The Smash Balls?!"

"The ...The Smash's what?" asked Roy thinking that his brother was implying he was a homosexual.

"You know, the Smash Balls!" said Ike stupidly. "There are seven of them, they grant you any wish you want, like immortality?"

"Or Samus's panties." said Oolong the perverted talking pig. 'seriously why are there so many perverts in this thing!?' I, the narrator, thought.

* * *

(On a distant planet)

"Marth did you hear that?" asked the Saiyan General Wario. Wario was a huge fatass and wore denim overalls with a mustard yellow hat and was a complete and total dumbass.

"Oh yeah," sneered Marth, the Prince of the Saiyans which he continued to call himself even though his father was dead which technically made him king. Marth was short in comparison to his idiot man-child companion, wore blue and gold armor a red and blue cape, and had a full head of silky blue hair which he took the utmost care of. His rank of Prince was symbolized with a large gold tiara on his head. "We are totally going to Earth to get our wish!"

"Yeah!" cried Wario enthusiastically. "We're going to get panties!" Marth stared at his mammoth companion with a look of murder in his eyes. "I mean immortality! Immortality is what I meant, right Marth?"

"... Just get in the damn pod." said Marth with a face palm.

* * *

"No," sneered Roy, walking past his brother. "I'm here for you Kakarott."

"So what are we going to do?!" cried Ike excitedly. "See a ball game? Catch a movie? Other various brotherly bonding activities?"

"We are going to viciously slaughter everyone on this planet and then sell it for profit to an alien warlord who may or may not have blown up our planet." said Roy, a malicious grin on his face.

"Oh.. well.." said Ike rubbing the back of his neck. "See, I kind of like people on this planet, so, with all due respect I think that I'll-" Faster that Ike could process Roy blasted forward and slammed his knee into Ike's stomach sending him flying across the beach finally landing facedown in the sand with an audible and painful thump.

"Daddy!" cried little Ness breaking free of Samus's grip and rushing off to his father's side.

"I'll be taking this." said Roy grabbing Ness by the scruff of his neck. "Yoink!" With that the Saiyan blasted off towards his ship.

"Quick!" groaned Ike pulling himself to his hands and knees, "Somebody stop him." nobody moved. In the distance a cricket chirped. "Damn it Lucas!"

"Hey I was bitch slapped through a house!" cried Lucas having successfully extracted himself from the wall. "What's your excuse!"

"I was kneed in the stomach!" cried Ike.

"You guys are pathetic!" cried a voice from on high. It was the dreaded Shadow, no doubt come to kill them. Samus squeaked and hid behind the turtle, Master Mario and Lucas prepared to fight even though they knew that they had no chance of victory. Though Shadow was weak compared to the warrior they had just met, neither of them were any match for the Hedgehog. "..What?" he asked landing.

"Aw geez," began Ike. "Hey Look," said the warrior holding up his hands in defense. "I know that you totally want to kill me and all but today is really a bad day. My brother showed up, turns out I'm an alien, he stole my kid-"

"Oh yeah I was watching that, that was priceless!" laughed Shadow. "Ha ha ha! HAHAHA!... I'm very sorry for your loss." he said awkwardly.

"Yeah. Anyway, want to help me get him back?" asked Ike shrugging his shoulders.

"Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyyyyyyy?" asked Shadow looking at Ike like he was an absolute moron.

"Um.. I'll.. friend you on MySpace?" offered Ike. Shadow blinked at him.

* * *

_Tom you have been replaced._ Thought Shadow smugly as he and Ike zoomed through the air after Roy.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: And They All Lived Happily Ever After... Oh...

Ike and Shadow flew through the air towards the direction of Roy's power level. "Hey Shadow, mind if I ask you something?" asked Ike turning his head towards his ally.

"What is it?" growled the black Hedgehog.

"You aren't human either right?" asked Ike.

"Yeah," answered Shadow, unsure of where this was headed.

"And your dad spit you out as an egg right?" continued Ike.

"...What about it?"

"A-are you a Yoshi?" asked Ike, a tone of reverence and wonder in his voice.

"... Yes Ike!" cried Shadow in a voice as sacastic as it was angry. "I'm a happy go lucky green f***ing dinosaur!"

"C-can I ride you?" asked the powerful but stupid warrior. Shadow growled as he resisted the urge to punch Ike in the face.

000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Little ness sat on the ground bawling like the little kid he was, much to the annoyance of the Saiyan warrior Roy. "Shut up." he growled. Ness continued to sob. "I said shut up!" cried Roy again. "SHUT UP!" he screamed at the four year old. "Damn it, why is screaming angrilly not making you cry less?!" he roared in annoyance as Ness continued to sob. "Oh hell with this your going in the time out pod." growled Roy picking up the tailed boy by the scruff of his neck and throwing him into his pod, sealing it shut.

"Thank sweet merciful God that's over," sighed the warrior in relief walking away from the pod. "Now I can just sit back and-" his scouter suddenly beeped rapidly, "beat the living crap out of whoever's coming." he hissed, drawing his sword.

"Roy!" cried Ike from atop his Nimbus Cloud as he and Shadow came towards him. "Give me back my son!" he jumped off the cloud with a perfect flip and spin. "Whee!" he said. Shadow grunted and landed next to him.

"So you're here," smirked Roy. "And I see that you brought the Mobian as well."

"Actually." said Ike holding up a hand. "That hasn't been explained yet."

"Oh..." said Roy awkwardly as he realized the huge plothole he had created. "Ah screw it it's not like anyone cares about him anyway!" said Roy with a dissmissive wave of his hand.

"Well screw you to!" roared Shadow casting off his cape and turban. They landed with a thud.

"Shadow," said Ike as he took off his weighted armor and drawing his huge golden sword. "You wear weighted traing clothes as well?" he asked with his child like innocence.

"No Ike." said Shadow sarcastically. "I just love to get naked when I'm around you."

"_What's this?"_ thought Roy in surprise. _"Their powerlevels are growing!"_ "So nudity makes you stronger on this planet!" cried Roy unzipping his pants.

"Umm no," said Ike with a mortified look as he saw that Saiyans seemed to go commando. "We're just wearing weighted traing gear."

"Oh, of course!" cried Roy hurryingly zipping up his pants. "Because that would be ridiculous!" he cried nervously. "HAHAHAHA!"

There was along awkward silence. Finally, "I knew that sword was compensating for something." commented Shadow dryly.

"Hahaha, dangly parts." said conveniently placed one-eyed Texan.

"SHUT UP!" roared Roy blasting forward between the two warriors and elbowing both as he passed with incredible force. Both Shadow and Ike were knocked off their feet but landed using perfect back-handsprings.

"Okay," growled Shadow regaining his balance. "What the hell was that!"

"I don't know." said Ike brandishing his blade, but let's try it again, FROM BEHIND!" he cried as he and Shadow rushed Roy from the back. Roy easily evaded the attack and kicked both in the chin.

"We really shouldn't be yelling our attack strategy!" cried Shadow as both he and ike wheeled through the air.

"Rush him!" cried Ike propelling himself off the ground and rushing at his brother.

"DAMN IT IKE!" roared Shadow in sheer frustration, both of them flying into the air as Roy himself ascended. "Can we at least try to dodge this one?!" he roared as Roy charged up his attack.

"Dodge wha- OH CRAP!" cried Ike as Roy blasted two separate energy beams from his sword at them.

"Holy shit!" roared Shadow and Ike at the same time while two Michael Bay-splosions went off. "Ha! You missed m-" began Ike as he landed only to have Roy phase into existence behind him.

"My bad." smirked The Saiyan as he kicked Ike in the back sending him flying. He landed with a crash._"Note to self."_ thought Ike wiping the blood from his mouth as he struggled to all fours._ "Less talky more fighty."_ "Hey Shadow!" he cried to his black furred comrade. "We may be taking a beating, but at least we dodged that one! High fi.." he trailed off as he saw that Roy's attack had blasted off Shadow's arm. "Hand sha.. thumbs up.. good job!" he said finally.

"HAHAHAHA!" laughed Roy at his two opponents. "Hey! Has anyone seen my arm!?" he cried through fits of laughter. "You can'y miss it... IT'S BLACK!" He continued to laugh as Shadow shot him the death glare.

"Yeah, anyway," said Shadow glaring at Roy whom he now hated even more than Ike. "I have one more attack that can finish him. Upside his I can charge it with one arm!"

"What's the downside?" asked Ike curiously.

"You'll have to distract him while I charge it." said the Hedgehog.

"Oh that doesn't sound too-"

"For five minutes." said the Hedgehog dryly. "And considering that he beat us to a pulp in under one- Oh forget it I'm sure you can handle it." said Shadow.

"Wow." said Ike feeling warm in his heart from Shadow's "compliment". "You really have that much faith in me?"

"Yeah.. faith.. let's call it that said Shadow crouching down and putting his first two fingers to his forehead.

"Allright!" said Ike with a thumbs up. "Well I won't dissapoint you!" he launched himself at Roy who smirked in arrogance. "HERE GOES-"

Shadow began to charge his attack as Ike got the crap beat out of him by Roy. _"Du du du da da da, du du du, da da, Imma charging my attack."_

"Ha!" cried a very beaten up Ike with a slightly crazed grin. "I've got your tail!" knowing from personal experience that a tail was a Saiyan's weakness.

"Please let me go?" asked Roy with bambi eyes.

"Well," said Ike considering. "since you asked nicely." he said releasing Roy's tail. Roy immediately punched ike so hard he went flying fifty feet.

"_You know on second thought maybe a five minute start up time is pretty abbysmal in terms of usefullness in battle"_ though Shadow as he collected even more power for his attack. Yellow light began to collect in his fingertips. "Oh God Shadow help!" screamed Ike as Roy continued to pummel him.

"Ha!" cried Ike triumphantly, even more beaten up than before, gripping Roy's tail. "I've got your tail!... Again." he said after a moment.

"Please let go?" asked Roy, again with Bambi eyes.

"I'm not falling for that again!" cried Ike.

"Pretty please let me go?" said Roy, amping up the level of his Bambi eyes.

"Well..." said Ike releasing Roy's tail. Roy punched him again with a sense of deja vu. This time, Ike landed but didn't get up. "Oh my spine!" he cried as he landed. "Oh my ribs!" he yelled as Roy landed on him. "Definelty ribs!"

"Aha." sneered Roy down at his brother. "Attacking an opponent roughly four times your powerlevel in a one on one battle, a cunnng strategy! No, no not cunning." said Roy thoughtfully, holding Ike down with no trouble whatsoever. "What's the opposite of that?" he asked aloud.

"Retarded!" cried Shadow.

"Yes!" cried Roy having a lightbulb moment. "That's it! Thank you! Now," he saidlookind down at his brother. "disregarding the Mobian I-"

"Nuh-uh." said Ike weakly. "The Yoshi."

"I'm not a goddamned Yoshi!" roared Shadow.

"But you said you were!" said Ike in a heartbroken voice.

"It's called sarcasm!" countered the black Hedgehog, still charging his attack.

"What's that taste like?"

"DAMN IT IKE!" screamed Shadow in pure frustration.

"STOP IGNORING ME!" roared Roy stomping on Ike's chest with a resounding snap.

"Oh my ribs!" sobbed Ike. "I think you broke my- mmm, ribs" said Ike, now starting to drool in hunger.

"Grr, Stop! Ignoring! Me! And! Die!" roared Roy, punctuating each word with a stomp. On the final word he held up his hand, ready to blast Ike into oblivion when his scouter started to rapidly beep.

"Stop beating up my daddy!" cried Ness from inside the pod, exploding out of it.

"No! My space pod!" cried Roy. With a cry of pure rage Ness blasted towards Roy with an aura of energy surrounding him. He hit Roy square in the chest, sending the warrior flying, and cracking the armor. "Not my space armor!" cried Roy as he went flying.

"We get it your from space!" snarled Shadow.

"_**Ness used Headbutt! It's super effective!"**_

"Gahh!" cried roy landing on his feet and staggering from the force of the blow. Ness landed on his back by his father.

"N-ness?" said Ike in a confused voice. "What was that?"

"Daddy!" cried Ness happilly getting up and running to his father's side.

"No seriously what the hell was that?" said Ike incredulously. "We were getting slaughtered out there and you could just.. uh oh." he said as he saw Roy looming over his son. "Oh crap."

"UNCLE ROY IS PISSED!" roared Roy, bringing down his hand to the side of Ness's head. _**"We here at Hedgehog of Time productions, TFS, and Nintendo do not condone child violence."**_

"_**We do however find it hilarious."**_

Ness went flying ten feet from his father, and Roy turned to finish what he started.

"No wait stop!" cried Ike desperately.

"Oh what Mr. shattered ribs is going to stop me?" said Roy with a dissmissive wave.

"No, you don't understand." pleaded Ike. "No matter what you've got, it will be nothing compared to what Peach will do to me if he dies." said Ike, terrified of his wife.

"Yeah well sucks to be you." said Roy preparing to kill Ness by raising his sword and collecting energy in it.

"_I've got no choice."_ though Ikein a daze of pain._ "I've got to use my last, greatest technique!"_

"Now die!" cried Roy preparing to bring down his sword.

"Full Nelson!" cried Ike, wrapping his brother in said technique. Roy's sword clattered to the ground harmlessly.

"A full nelson?" asked Roy incredulously. "That won't work on me. I am Roy!" he struggled to get free, but to no avail. "Okay seriously, let go." growled Roy in frustration. He struggled some more, but still it was no use. "Seriously this is starting to piss me off!"

"Shadow!" cried Ike to his companion as Roy continued his attempts to break free.

"Ready!" The hedgehog cried back.

"Okay, just give me a signal before you fire that thing! I'm right behind him."

"Oh I'll give you a signal." snarled Shadow with an evil smile. "It'll be the last signal you'll ever get!"

"Well okay just so we're clear on that." said Ike trustingly as Shadow laughed maniacly.

"Makakasa- Makakasabob- brr, Makensa-, oh to hell with it. CHAOS SPEAR!" cried Shadow thrusting his hand forward, shooting a misslile of yellow energy at the two Saiyans.

"Is that what you're going to yell when you- OH SHIT!" cried Ike as the energy blasted through both he and Roy.

"Riiiiiiiicccccooooooooooooollllllaaaaaa- OH GOD!" cried an unfortunate yodeler on a mountain that got blown up by Shadow's attack.

Ike and Roy landed ten feet from each other with a thud, both with massive holes in their stomachs. "Damn it!" groaned Roy in pain. "And there was nothing I could have done to avoid that!"

"You know you could have flown." said Shadow dryly

"DAMN YOU HINDSIGGGHHHHHHHTTTTTTTT-blech." he said as he died.

"Ike!" cried Lucas from Samus's ship flying towards them. "After several hours of debate we decided that you might need.." he trailed off as he saw the damage the battle had done. "Aw, crap." groaned Lucas.

Sad music played as Lucas grabbed his friend's had, tears in his eyes. "Ike!" cried Lucas. "You can't die, you're the main character of this thing! Here I brought a senzu bean!"

"I don't think that's going to work." groaned Ike.

"Why not?" asked Lucas tearfully.

"I sort of have a hole in my esophogus." said Ike with a sad grin.

"Wait, then how are you breathing?" asked Lucas. Ike closed his eyes. "Ike?" there was no response. "IKE!?" cried Lucas. "Holy crap." he said in disbelief. "i'm not the first person to die in this series!" cried the blonde haired martial artist.

"Lucas!" cried Master Mario as the music abruptly stopped. "Too soon."

"I can't believe he's gone." said Samus with tears in her eyes.

"Yeah pity that." said Shadow putting on his cape and tueban. "HEEEERRRRARGH!" he cried as a new arm blasted out of his shoulder.

"Wait, what the hell, you can regenerate?!" cried Lucas.

"Yeah," said Shadow in a voice remininscent of Dirty Harry, "And you know what else?"

"W-what," asked the terrified monk.

"I'm taking Ness, bye!" Said the Hedgehog rapidly as he snatched the child and took off.

"Quick someone stop him!" cried Lucas. No one moved, in the distance, a cricket was heard chirping. "Damn it Mario!"

"Shut up Lucas." said the mushroom hermit.

_**(Lucas owned count: 2)**_


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Happily Ever Afterlife

"Well, Ike has passed." said Master Mario sadly as he Lucas and Samus stood around the body of the fallen hero. Lucas bent and picked up the Smash Ball that Shadow had left behind when he took Ness, Ike and Peach's little son. "But his sacrifice has stopped a great evil. Thanks to him, our lives can return to peace once-"

"Roy? Roy!?" said the voice of Wario through the deceased Saiyan's scouter.

"What the hell is that?" asked the Toadstool Hermit as Samus and Lucas went to Roy's body for a closer examination.

"Guywho'sasstrongasaPirmidsay'swhat?!" said Wario rapidly. When there was no response he said, "That usually gets to him. I think he's dead Marth."

"Big shocker nobody cares." said the sinister voice of Marth, also through the scouter. "We're both ten times stronger than him anyways. We'll go to Earth, find the Smash Balls, and KILL EVERYONE! And we'll be there with a year or so. Depending on filler of course." he conveniently specified.

"Anything else we need to go over Marth?" asked Wario.

"Nope." said Marth after a moment. "That's about it."

"...Well." said Master Mario. "F***."

* * *

Meanwhile in some far off wasteland dotted by plateau's and mountains Shadow stood looming over poor little Ness who was quaking in his shoes, and pissing himself at the sight of the terrifying monster.

"Alright you little human.. Saiyan.. thing." said Shadow. "I saw what you did to that Saiyan back there. That kind of power can be useful." said the Hedgehog with a sinister smile.

"Wha-what do you mean?" asked poor little Ness.

"I'm going to make you my pupil, and then, I'll use YOU for my conquest to take over the world."

"B-but where's my daddy!" cried Ness looking around.

"Hate to tell you this but YOUR DAD'S DEAD!" cried Shadow. "Actually I kind of like saying that. Ha Ha! Your dad..." he trailed off as Ness started to sob, rivers of tears pouring down his face. "Dammit, this is why I hang out in wastelands." he growled to himself. "Hey, come on!" he said at Ness trying to get him to calm down. "Stop- stop crying." he had no success. "Dammit." he growled through gritted teeth. "What would my dad do in this situation." He asked himself.

* * *

(Eight years ago)

"Ahhgg!" cried Shadow's father, Black Doom, as a twelve year old Ike sliced him in half with his golden sword, Aether.

* * *

"Oh right." said Shadow with a surprised expression. "DADDY!" he sobbed, mirroring Ness in his babyish cries for his daddy. "You said you were going to the store!"

* * *

(Meanwhile at the heavenly check in station in Dream World)

"Hello and welcome to the heavenly check-in station." said a wussy voice over the intercom. "Please, no cutting in line, if you are caught cutting in line you will be sent straight to Hell."

"And so," said Sonic the Hedgehog, the aged guardian of Earth as he stood beside Ike,before the great King Donkey Kong, judge of the dead. "we need Ike here to get to King Kirby's for his masterful training Lord D.K." said the wise old Hedgehog.

"Give me one good reason why I should allow this?" frowned the tie wearing ape leaning forward in his seat.

"Because if you don't," said the old, blue hedgehog dramatically, "that line back there is going to increase by SIX BILLION!" he cried.

"Six billion?" asked D.K with a small chuckle. "I'm supposed to be intimidated by six billion souls? I can process six billion souls faster than you can take a piss old man!"

"You know," said Sonic indignantly. "I am the guardian of Earth, can I please get a little bit more respect here?!"

"Big freaking deal," said the ape with a dismissive wave. "I'm the closest thing to a God in this show. Until you get to the Dream World Lords, the I'll be horribly insignificant. I do have a desk though." he said brightly, fondling the fine wood. "It's made of mahogany! But not just any mahogany, this is mahogany from planet Malchior Seven, where the trees are three hundred feet tall and breath fire! From these trees this desk was forged using ancient blood rituals of the Malchior people who for some reason look like Chris Hemsworth. Not only does this make my desk well nigh indestructible," purple energy began to swirl around the desk, "but it can also bend the fabric of the universe itself!" there was a long awkward pause as the energy vanished with a pop. "It's also a very fine material, very expensive."

"Yeah," said Sonic with a sweatdrop. "anyway can we please-"

"SILENCE!" cried Dokey Kong. Sonic and ike gaped at him in terror. "Mahogany." he said sagely.

"Um..." said sonic awkwardly.

"Woah, uh, what?" said D.K having forgotten what they were talking about. "Oh sure," he said remembering. "He can go to King Kirby's place. But he'll have to run down SNAKE WAY!" said Kong as dramatic music played in the background.

"Sounds fun." said Ike brightly.

"Prepare to be surprised." smirked D.K

"Okay!" said Ike heading towards the indicated door. "Hey wait." said the warrior before he left. "Did you see a guy named Roy come through here. He has red bushy hair and a tail?"

D.K leafed through his notebook for a moment before saying. "Oh yeah I remember that guy.I put him in my pattented Donkey Lock!"

"And it worked?" asked Ike.

"F*** no," said Donkey Kong. "He kicked me in the balls and ran away. Now I don't know where he is!"

* * *

"He didn't keep his eye on the birdie!" proclaimed Roy as he sat sipping Mai Tai's in heaven getting a full body massage from super models.

* * *

"Okay." said Ike rubbing the back of his neck. "Bye!" he said, finally waving goodbye as he ran towards Snake Way.

"See ya next time you die." said D.K casually. Sonic glared daggers at him for giving away spoilers. "Mahogany." said the great ape.

* * *

(At Kame House)

"So Lucas, how did Peach take the news?" asked Master Mario.

"Um." said the short martial artist nervously.

_(Flashback time! Yay!)_

"_So Lucas what did you need to talk to me about?" asked Peach sweetly as she set the biscuits on the breakfast table._

"_So Peach." said Lucas sweating bricks in fear. "Hypothetically, what would you do if you found out your husband was dead and your son had been kidnapped by his worst enemy?"_

"_I'd castrate the messenger in his sleep with a rusty carving knife!" said Peach with that same sweet smile on her face._

"_Oh." said Lucas white with terror. "well it's a good thing I'm not telling you that!" he said with a phony smile to mask his fear. _

_He and Peach both began to laugh, that same creepy smile never leaving Peach's face. "Would you like to spend the night?" she asked sweetly._

"_Against my better judgement." said Lucas._

_That night Lucas was creeping out of the house when he heard a sound coming from the kitchen, the tell-tale sound of a carving knife being sharpened. "Lucas!" called Peach sweetly. "Where are you?" Lucas felt his bowels empty._

"_AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Lucas as he drove away from the house as fast as he could._

(Present time)

"Relatively well." lied Lucas not wanting to give away his "accident" that he had had in his pants.

"So," asked Samus. "Are you going to gather the other Smash-Warriors and go train with Sonic on Angel Island?"

"The who warriors?" asked Lucas.

"The Smash-Warriors!" said Samus cheerfully wearing a random scouter. Wait, where did that thing come from? "You, Fox, Captain Falcon, Ike, and Tricky? That's what we've always called you guys." she said like it should be obvious.

"That is the single stupidest thing I've ever-" began Lucas.

"LUCAS!" sceamed Peach zooming towards the island, carving knife in hand. "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU!"

"Well I'm off to gather the Smash-Warriors, bye!" cried Lucas rappidly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOMFGHHHHHHHHHHHH!" cried the blonde as he drove away as fast he could.

* * *

(With Shadow and Ness)

"All right runt." snarled Shadow having converted his trauma from losing his father into healthy poisonous rage which he would take out on his new pupil. "Today we're going to commence your intense training under me."

"But wait," said the toddler. "Wouldn't that cause horrible muscular degeneration for someone my age? Crippling me for years to come?"

Shadow was quiet for a long moment befoe finally saying. "You're a wordy little bastard aren't you?"

"My mom want me to become a paleon-"

"NNNEEEEEEEEEERRRRRDDDD!" cried Shadow.

"W-what?" asked the confused little kid.

"Anyway." continued Shadow. "I figure to unleash your hidden potential I'd have to put you in imense physical danger, so I'm gonna throw you at that mountain." he said pointing at said geological structure.

"Actually that looks more like a plat- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he cried as Shadow shot-putted him at the moun- I mean plateau.

_Any second now._ Thought shadow to himself as Ness continued to sceam as he hurtled towards the immense rock. _Here in comes._ Ness sceamed louder. _Aaaannd._ Thought Shadow expectantly.

Ness smashed into the rocks.

_Eeeewww._ Thought Shadow distastefully as Ness began to sob. _It's gonna be a loooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnnnnnngggggggggg training session._ Thought the ebony hedgehog as he walked over to his injured pupil.

* * *

(In Dream World)

"Allright Mr. Muscle man." said the incredibly gay ogre escort of Ike. "Here we are at Snake Way." he said pointing at the inconcieceably long snake shaped road. "Now you're gonna wanna pack a lunch coz it's a long run. I'm just jokin, you ain't gonna be eatin none."

"Wow!" said Ike gazing out over the track. "that looks like it's going to take me a while."

"Now be careful now." said the ogre. "You don't wanna fall off the edge and die." then he gave a little gay laugh. "That's just a little bit of dead humor. But seriously do not fall off or you will go straight to Hell."

"Has anyone ever run the whole thing before?" inquired Ike.

"Well there was one man." said the ogre.

"Who was it?" asked the swordsman leaning over the edge.

"Well I believe his name was-"

* * *

(Angel Island)

"Mr. Game and Watch!" cried Sonic to his 2-D servant.

"Yes Sonic." asked the strange little creature walking up to his master.

"I have just received word that we have a new batch of trainees coming. Make sure you take good care of them." said the aged Hedgehog.

Mr. Game and Watch was silent for a moment.

"He hahahahaha. Hahahahahahahaha! MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" laughed Mr. Game and Watch maniacally as the Psycho theme played in the background.


End file.
